Eyes wide open

eyes wide open cant see a thing missing you more than life its self eyes wide open looking everywhere Eyes wide open god himself couldn't save me Eyes wide open still blind and can not see Looking everywhere still not finding what I seek Lookin looking but nothing to see In this hell I live nobody can find me As I write this I Cant even cry Missin you more than words can ever say Eyes wide open hating this feeling I have every single day. Loving my hate hating my love so damn confused don't know what else to do. Is it my time to die or live? When will I know what freedom really is If  is truth I dont wanna know. hating my life and wanting no more Eyes wide open ready to go Heaven or Hell I do not know. Eyes wide open looking for you missing you more than you will ever know. Eyes wide open still blind to everything Living life to is fullest extent Only god can save me now. Eyes wide open to truth you have always told. Missing missing everything I left behind wanting to go back in time and undo the past. Knowing full well it cant be done. Hating myself for ever letting go. Missing the life I wanted Being suck in this hell No one can understand not even you.Not even god  knows all that I have been thru. Loving you so much I cant explain cant put into words all that I feel. All the pain and all the hurt I have been thru all for you Never ever want to loose you again will go to the end of the earth just to be near you. My life will be over if I loose you again. Just want to be you friend if thats all I can do. I want so much more but dont wann push you away. Hating how I feel right now hating that I wanna cry hating that I wanna cut and die. These thoughts in my head are really starting to scare me. I know how you feel about everything I have ever done. Sometimes I wish I had never been born. The darkness is overwhelming so much its not even funny Hating my life right now wishing everything was different. Having no control over what I write and do. Hating every minute with out you. Needing you by my side more than I can ever say. Needing to take this knife from my hands so I dont do something stupid. Wanting needing are not my things. Hating the this needing feeling I have wishing I could never feel again. Cutting and feeling no pain is not a good sign. Wanting wishing never to feel again. waiting wanting for this to end not liking what I am writing. Wanting wanting so much more than hating everything I have Time to end this end this all not wanting to give up but what else can I do?