Meaning

As I sit here today I search...for meaning in this life. I cant find my purpose and with out it I feel lost. Wanting so much but not knowing where to look. Whats the meaning of it all?

why?

why do we have aniversys of horable dates in our hidtory? 9/11 that kinda thing. Seems stupid in some ways

Angel and Demons

I go to church on Sundays. I believe in God. Just and I know I am gonna get crap from you Craig on this one. I cant think that all Angles are good and all demons are bad. That's something I cant believe. I am not sure why. I know they are both real too, for I have seen both.

stupid!

When your asses get thrown out on the street dont come crawling to me! Well ok maybe you Chandler cause I bet you are against housing them kids and possably mom. but if she that dumb use it and get ut

play time

I play with fire and knifes. i will play with your lifes. I wont play with mine. If I wanna die I will if I wanna live I will. So lets play

Demons

My demons attack me anyway they. in my dreams its nightmare re-living all the horros I have already gone thru. How many times have I almost died at the hands of Mark? To many to count. supprizingly I have yet to had a broken bone or end up in the hospital.

good

what good is life if you cant enjoy it? what good is it to live if all your life does is bring you pain? None not a damn bit of good!

mobile posts

i dont know if you can tell how I post these blogs but if I use my phone they will always be short lol

unknown title

wandering minds lead to wandering fingers and hands. wandering hands lead to knives cutting. outta frustraion outta pain outta fear they all lead to the cutting that I do. so much pain so many scars

tex

being in a abuse realtionship sucks plain and simple. you never know when the next kick, punch bite(if they have teeth) slam throw is comming. you learn how weak you are.

window

I look out the window longing for an escape. Wanting to be free once again. Missing the life I had before. Wishing a thousand wishes to go back in time undo what has been done. Alias I know I can not undo the road I have taken so I stick to my guns and will finish what I started.

the end

gonna be offline for awhile. going ''dark'' my bags are packed and I am gone. so long far well time for this one to leave

Window

 look out the window longing for an escape. Wanting to be free once again. Missing the life I had before. Wishing a thousand wishes to go back in time undo what has been done. Alias I know I can not undo the road I have taken so I stick to my guns and will finish what I started.

Eyes

Eyes wide open to all the pain I have caused. More and more every single day. These words cant explain the guilt I feel. One more time one more dime one more cut one more bleed. Eyes wide open to the things that need to change. Happiness is not a dream but can be real. Over and over everyone tells me so. That I must leave the darkness I so fondly love. That I must enter the light to save my soul.

Truth

I will not be censored. I will not be quite. I will not be stopped. Till the truth is out there and it is known to all. Wishing I could just come out and say it in plain English, knowing that will never happen. Can't happen. Not sure why I have to use these riddles and rhymes but I do. I have no choice.  Missing you loving you is also I thing I do. Yes I may cut still but I fight harder to resist now because of you love. Cant wait to be together again. -Lori-

Stolen

Josh Pitvorec: Trust Me All The Money in the World Could Never Take Away the Pain On Inside.

Frustrated

My month has been plagued with nightmares. The sad thing is they have one thing and person in common. No matter how they start he always dies :'-( makes me cry and scream. 

Blade

As I draw the smooth blade against my skin, breaking promieses made once again
I feel sorry for breaking them, but not for my actions. Hating feeling like this hating it all.
I cant sleep for the nightmares have become way to real. I want to stay up all night but I cant.
So how can I sleep with out the possablity of dreaming?
Stop and think because I will not say it.
To the one I promiesd this would not happen again; there was nothing you could do to stop me.
I am truly sorry I had to do this but its the final time.
I will always love you :-*

Escape cont...

I know as some of you read this you will be pissed off at me, oh well.
I have been given a exit outta this deadly marriage I am in. And yet I refuse to take it for one selfish reason.
I have been planing a trip and I dont want to loose that trip if I split up with him. Because I know he will not watch our kids so I can go on this trip.
So I lie and tell him he is forgiven and yada yada yada. I am pretty sure he wants out now too, but we are both to suborn to admit it. So I have a war going on inside of me. Do I tell the truth and risk not getting what I want to be safe? Or do I do what I have been doing pretending its ok. I ask him to change and all I get in return is how its my fault what he does. To do this trip means alot to me and other people but to stay where I am is not safe. 

Two

Two lives

Two very different people

Inside one body, mine

Not sure who is right or who is wrong

Dont really wanna know either

I love being Lori

I hate Susan

In essence Susan is dead.

There is ONE of me now

Lori Ann Pitvorec

Eyes 3

Eyes wide open
Here we ago again
Round and round I go
fighting and fighting forever more.
This time is the last time I will do this gain@!
Can't bear the pain any more
Eyes wide open
That my death is very near
Yes I am ready to go
Wanting and wating for my life to change
Knowing while hopeing it NEVER will
Eyes wide open
As I fall asleep one last time
Even you couldnt save me this time
I am so sorry for everthing I put you thru
Hope one day you can forgive as I have you
Eyes wide open
As its time for me to say goodbye

Death

Sitting on the edge ready to jump
Not carring anymore about who I would leave behind
Not being able to take this pain in my heart and body anymore
Wanting to end it all
What makes me stop???

Ice

Sitting here feeling the cold icy fingers of death creap over my skin. I always wondered what it would feel like, to die just for a little bit.
I have always liked the cold and know I why. Curious though I want to know more,  take it one step futher. Yet I hestate, always my mind awakens me at the last second.
I guess its not my time, just yet. Soon maybe but not now. 

Blood

The blood and pain flow. Over and over I go. Down and down I climb the ladder of life to death. Thinking only of what I leave behind in this world. What I have already lost and gained. What and whom will miss this one person?? I ask this as I dissapear forever into the night.