Honestly

I hate where my life is going. I want to so bad make changes but fear I cant. Not sure how to fix this either. My writtings and dreams keep getting darker and darker.

Stupid

I am stupid there I said it. I cant control myself anymore it seams. 

Push

pushing pushing you away pushing pushing you closer to me. Cant deside where I want you and I to be. Lifte me up so I can find the answers. Gona go insane yes sir gonna go insane even more. You could say I am at a crossroads in my life. I feel like its time for me to go to war, for I was born for battle

Eyes final

eyes wide open to what my heart is telling me. You and I where never ment to be. I am sorry to say it this way  I cant lie to you or myself anymore. I must embrace the truth. You were my first and always will be but its time I move on. Cant keep up this act anymore. Eyes wide open to the truth, what I need is not what I want. I am no hero to these kids but I will not give up on them either or there father. Eyes wide open to knowing this is not what you want to hear. I will always love you my dear. Eyes wide opne to the fact you wanna know why. I feel we have drifted apart once again. So tired to trying to stay "afloat" to stay with you and him, I cant tell the lies anymore that I have to, to keep him happy. Why must I lie because he hates you so. For everything you did. Eyes wide open to the fact that even as I write this line I wish I was with you. AAHHHH cant deal with this shit much more. Eyes wide open to how I feel. I need someone to come save me, save me now. Save me from myself once again. The end is HERE!

Change

I am who I want to be as dark as I want to be. This will never change so stop trying to change who I am. I love what I think and feel and write. I cant change just to blend in and be normal. So tired of everyone wanting me NOT to be me but them. Sorry mates but I will never change who I am. I am a thief and a liar this I do want to be different.