Cry

Tired of my kids being in pain cause of there father. Hating that I have to have him drag them away crying because I cant go with them. Yet when I am there its like they hate me. So tired of feeling alone in this world even though I know I am not. Not sure what I am supoosed to do anymore and hating every minute of it. Wanting so much to change mine and my kids life but have no clue how. Yes getting rid of him would be a great first step but....they love him to death. No matter what he does/says to them they dont want him to leave them. So I am stuck I dont want to be with him anymore and cant take them away from him. Plus I want to be with them kids I do love them.....Hating this place I have firmly rooted myself into. Someone please help me I am tired of hurting. TIred of being the only one in my family trying to save my family. I have outside help but HE dont wanna hear anything anyone else has to say.

Am what I am

I am what I am... this may bring you pain and hurt I am truly sorry. We knew this would end this way.  I give you  me soul and me life in a heartbeat, but it comes down to this last battle between us. When you come back to the states it will be the last time we meet, wont it? Till then I will kill for you, lie and steal like I have been, untill then my mouth will shut. But when you return shit will change.  For then D and I will have our final battle and like I said it will be epic.  Who will win I can not say for sure, but I think it will be you. And all I ask is this.... D use your hands not a blade or bullets. Thank you and peace.

River

Watching the river of red flow from my wounds, wishing you could see the pain you have caused me. Over and over again you stab me deeper and deeper each time till you hit my soul. Feeling the pain you cause me every time like its the first time. No wonder I wanted to die and you along with me. No wonder I feel like this day in and day out. But into my life has come a "teacher" teaching me how to deal, let it go if you will. IF not by example alone by watching him being used and abused everyday and when asked if he is ok "I have to be" is his answer. If only I could be that strong, I wouldn't die today and every other day. I could life my head in pride and feel the peace I so desire and long for. I am becoming stronger everyday and it scares you. I am finding my voice and you hate it. I am learning I am "little one" for I have yet so so much to learn.

Once again

Once again I find my self struggling to prove me worth to a thousand different people.
Once again I can't seem to find peace.
Once again I miss the things I left behind for me family.
Once again  I have to be told it is for the best, even though I disagree.
Once again I find myself falling into old and deadly habits.
Once again I find that I don't want to be where I am.
Once again I find myself wishing I could turn back time.
Once again I find myself with "sticky fingers".
Once again I find myself wanting what I can not have.
Once again I find a hunger in me to change what can not be changed.
Once again I find myself unhappy.
Once again I find in pain.
Once again I find hurting.

Left behind

Why am I being left being left behind once again?
All me life this and past I have been left behind.
SO tired of everyone leaving me here to rot
Wishing I could be with me family for once in life time.
Wishing I knew me place in this world and what I am to amount too.
Hating what I see everywhere I look
At you and even in the the mirror I hate what I see
What I have become and what I have been.
Not wanting to be left behind once again for I fear death is coming for me soon.
I want to be with me family to know where I belong
But I don't see that happening any time soon.
Wishing and praying for something to change within me heart
No more being left behind says I
No more being a victim no more hating what I see everyday of my life
Gonna change history by changing the present I hope and pray this works.
I know you say I need to stay but I feel I can not stay where I am not wanted.
I know you say it is my duty but again with everyone not wanting me there how can I possibly do what you ask of me?
I fear for me family and me life, by leaving I may of made things way worse.
I don't think I made it any better but I did learn some things from my time with you.
So I thank you and I hope I will make you proud in my decisions.
For you are my Master and my dearest freind.
That is my I dont want to be left behind yet again by you or anyone else.
Me parents, me mates, me own kids have left me here to rot in this hell I am now living.

Master

On the wings of a dragon you will find a wolf. For he is flying finally home. Home to a new land where he has not been before (at least this life time),and yet he calls it his own.  As he fly he thinks about all that he left behind. Heartbreak, suffering and the pain which was caused by those closest to him.  All they never asked or needed he would give them at no regards to the cost to himself. If it meant he would go without he do it in a heartbeat. The shirt off his own back was up for grabs despite what it meant to him. Food ha he didn't need it if you did, yours. Not one person he thought was true to him....maybe. For the one he thinks was true will be put to the ultimate test and we shall see if  Raven is true or not.

Happy new year....not

Had a crappy year in 2014 so of course 2015 is gonna be the same. Was disowned by my birth father when I was born and now by my adoptive father. All because I left a very bad situation to protect myself. Now I am hated by everyone in my family so I dont have one anymore. So fuck it I am outta here.