Wolf and Raven

It seems I am destined to follow you around my wolf....life after life after life. No matter how far apart we start out we end up meeting and I turning into your shadow. I follow and you teach what I must learn for that life time. You will always be a guardian and a teacher as I will always be your student. The writting means Raven and Wolf fellow spirit.

Master Wolf

As I sit here watching you  sleep...making sure you are still breathing that is. I see the age of your soul catching up to your current body. I see the hour glass almost empty on this your 13th life. I hope the last few years/months/days/hours/minutes you have left on this earth are filled with the peace and joy and happiness you have earned. For when your time comes and you go home with the fallen ones before you, your leaving this Earth this time will leave a big whole in a lot a hearts and minds. Peace to you my Master Wolf and sleep well, for I will see you on the other side.

The Chosen written with help by Master Wolf

   

      As the ghosts march by, soldiers going to war, row by row, man by man.  The Elder Alpha Silver Wolf, silver-grey in color, runs along side and through the rows of men, watching their steps, looking into each man's eyes and dispatching those with weakness and those with evil in their souls. While the crows and ravens fly overhead and into the future from the past with messages of lore and triumph. I can hear their footsteps in the grass as they marched by yet I can not seem them, even though there are but only two inches in front of me.  I see their words as if in speech bubbles, as if I'm reading a cartoon, above each man. Each man marches tall and proud it seems like they can not feel the gentle breeze. Is it going right through them? The grass moves not as they step upon it and march through as if they aren't even there. But, only I see and hear them. Why have I been chosen?  I can feel the rhythm of their footsteps upon the ground as if an earthquake was making the hills roll like thunder. Row by row, man by man. There are stars alined over each man's head as if a star had been chosen only for him. There is no heat nor is there cold. Absense of heat, here they do not sweat. Absense of cold, nay they shiver not. The Elder Alpha Silver Wolf leaves no tracks of his strides as he runs thru the men doing the job The Grand Fathers have chosen him for. Yet the soldiers footprints do not appear as such. For they are the "The Chosen Ones" of The Elder Alpha Silver Wolf. Their steps are as if "The Many are One." And when the whiteman looks upon "The Trail of Tears" they see one set of prints but not foot prints. One set of prints can be seen, that of "The Wolf..."  A-HO!

Cry

Tired of my kids being in pain cause of there father. Hating that I have to have him drag them away crying because I cant go with them. Yet when I am there its like they hate me. So tired of feeling alone in this world even though I know I am not. Not sure what I am supoosed to do anymore and hating every minute of it. Wanting so much to change mine and my kids life but have no clue how. Yes getting rid of him would be a great first step but....they love him to death. No matter what he does/says to them they dont want him to leave them. So I am stuck I dont want to be with him anymore and cant take them away from him. Plus I want to be with them kids I do love them.....Hating this place I have firmly rooted myself into. Someone please help me I am tired of hurting. TIred of being the only one in my family trying to save my family. I have outside help but HE dont wanna hear anything anyone else has to say.

Am what I am

I am what I am... this may bring you pain and hurt I am truly sorry. We knew this would end this way.  I give you  me soul and me life in a heartbeat, but it comes down to this last battle between us. When you come back to the states it will be the last time we meet, wont it? Till then I will kill for you, lie and steal like I have been, untill then my mouth will shut. But when you return shit will change.  For then D and I will have our final battle and like I said it will be epic.  Who will win I can not say for sure, but I think it will be you. And all I ask is this.... D use your hands not a blade or bullets. Thank you and peace.

Once again

Once again I find my self struggling to prove me worth to a thousand different people.
Once again I can't seem to find peace.
Once again I miss the things I left behind for me family.
Once again  I have to be told it is for the best, even though I disagree.
Once again I find myself falling into old and deadly habits.
Once again I find that I don't want to be where I am.
Once again I find myself wishing I could turn back time.
Once again I find myself with "sticky fingers".
Once again I find myself wanting what I can not have.
Once again I find a hunger in me to change what can not be changed.
Once again I find myself unhappy.
Once again I find in pain.
Once again I find hurting.

Master

On the wings of a dragon you will find a wolf. For he is flying finally home. Home to a new land where he has not been before (at least this life time),and yet he calls it his own.  As he fly he thinks about all that he left behind. Heartbreak, suffering and the pain which was caused by those closest to him.  All they never asked or needed he would give them at no regards to the cost to himself. If it meant he would go without he do it in a heartbeat. The shirt off his own back was up for grabs despite what it meant to him. Food ha he didn't need it if you did, yours. Not one person he thought was true to him....maybe. For the one he thinks was true will be put to the ultimate test and we shall see if  Raven is true or not.

Time to hide once again

The walls are going back up again. No more pain, no more sorrow, no more fear, and no more TEARS! I am not going to "feel" anything for my feelings have yet again betrayed me. Tired of being hurt by everyone time to be stone faced again.

Its over

I have officially moved outta my apt in the hell hole re-named South Park and outta Marks house. I AM FREE!! Thank you Wolf for giving me the strength and courage to take this step in freeing myself. 

Choices

I finaly put my foot down and made what I thought was a good choice. Now just about everyone is pissed off at me. I choose to leave cause I saw no other way out. Now I have to live with what I did. Yes I would do it again so........

Venting

Ok vent time...just tired of dealing with Mark's bullshit! I hate him right now and someone needs to shut his mouth quick.

Cross roads

I have come to a cross road here. One way goes my own way with out anyone tagging along and the other is I pretty much stay where I am at. I really want to go my own way right now thats just were Im at in my life. Tired of where I'm at tired of being last place, but to get what I want I have to loose some things too.

Calling

There is something calling me. Wanting me to go North. Right now I am about ready to. My master is getting ready to leave its pure chaos at my house and neighborhood. I am tired of it all. Why North I am not sure. Yes when the time comes and my master calls for me to come fight with him I will be ready but until then I think I need to escape for awhile. I want for peace to befall my home and I am thinking if I remove the chaotic element in my home there will be peace. So someday soon I am going to pack a bag, take my bike and go North, till I am called.

Frustrated to hell

Trying to piece together what is left of my fractured mind. Its not working lol. I have been on edge for at least the last 3 days cause I know something is coming. What I don't know and I really don't want to know. I fear the end of something maybe someone is what is bothering me. I am not truly sure. I hope to the Gods I am wrong about who is leaving this Earth. But if I am right look out.

Dreams

My dreams are like my life yet I would not call them dreams, more like nightmares. I dream of death coming end of the world crap etc. Its getting to the point where I don't wanna sleep. I even have re-curing people in my dreams, sad thing is they are no longer in my life. Moved away that kinda shit. Peace be with all who read this and be ware of the black storm comming

Pissed off!

Ok I have a friend here in the states that is dying. He has MS and maybe two months to live. All cause our government wont allow the cure here. WTF is that all about? They haven't figured out how to get money outta this or something??

The View

Standing on the bridge today I look to the North thinking of my family back that way and wishing I was with them again. I turn and then look to the South, where my old friend and love is. Wishing I was there too. Then I continue across the bride on my way to where ever it was I was going.

Lift me up

Lift me up for I am broken. See the pain I hide so well. Feel the fear and all that is me. Learn what fear means to me, even if you dont wanna know. Realize that I can never be healed, realize that there is and never will be a cure. See why death is my only way. Understand that my life is has and always will be a living nightmare. Life me up for I am broken Catch me for I am falling Save me for I need saving. But dont cry for me cause I chose this life. Even though I hate it I chose it. 

Dante (dont know why call it this but oh well)

What is done can always be un-done. Nothing is in stone. All can change. All will can bend. Life does not end at the grave nor begin in the cradle.  We are all one life, just manly branches of what that one's life can be. Heaven and Hell are here are Earth always was and always will be.  The reason we can not nor will we ever find our origin is for the simple fact we have to have faith. We cant ever answer all the questions cause then we will stop growing and looking for the said answers.  We need something to drive us as individuals and as one people. Peace on Earth another fairy tale that cant happen. There has to be good and evil fighting. No mater what we wont stop looking for our past and where we come from as if it can tell us were we are going. Life is almost done and we don't even know it. My question to you is are you ready??

Defending

So tired of defending him to everyone everyday. I know I should just stop and let him sink or swim but I cant force myself to do that. Why I dont know. I have always felt the need to defend the "weaker" ones. Now he may not be less strong than me in the physical way but in other ways I feel I have to rescue him.I have done this since I can remember. How do I stop doing this thing I hate most? How do I stop defending when we wont defend me? I want out but could never surrender.