Hiding

I am so tired of hiding but I just don't know what else to do. I feel like I live on the edge of a cliff and I want to just dive right off into the life I want, but I am not sure the life I want is available. But I am going insane wanting what I cant have. I dream nightly of what I want and when I wake I know its not there. And I want  to cry because I had the life I wanted at one time and then gave it up for a HUGE mistake. I cry because I cant go back in time to undo what I did. I just want to remove one thing and trade it for another.