Blade

As I draw the smooth blade against my skin, breaking promieses made once again
I feel sorry for breaking them, but not for my actions. Hating feeling like this hating it all.
I cant sleep for the nightmares have become way to real. I want to stay up all night but I cant.
So how can I sleep with out the possablity of dreaming?
Stop and think because I will not say it.
To the one I promiesd this would not happen again; there was nothing you could do to stop me.
I am truly sorry I had to do this but its the final time.
I will always love you :-*

Escape cont...

I know as some of you read this you will be pissed off at me, oh well.
I have been given a exit outta this deadly marriage I am in. And yet I refuse to take it for one selfish reason.
I have been planing a trip and I dont want to loose that trip if I split up with him. Because I know he will not watch our kids so I can go on this trip.
So I lie and tell him he is forgiven and yada yada yada. I am pretty sure he wants out now too, but we are both to suborn to admit it. So I have a war going on inside of me. Do I tell the truth and risk not getting what I want to be safe? Or do I do what I have been doing pretending its ok. I ask him to change and all I get in return is how its my fault what he does. To do this trip means alot to me and other people but to stay where I am is not safe. 

Two

Two lives

Two very different people

Inside one body, mine

Not sure who is right or who is wrong

Dont really wanna know either

I love being Lori

I hate Susan

In essence Susan is dead.

There is ONE of me now

Lori Ann Pitvorec

Eyes 3

Eyes wide open
Here we ago again
Round and round I go
fighting and fighting forever more.
This time is the last time I will do this gain@!
Can't bear the pain any more
Eyes wide open
That my death is very near
Yes I am ready to go
Wanting and wating for my life to change
Knowing while hopeing it NEVER will
Eyes wide open
As I fall asleep one last time
Even you couldnt save me this time
I am so sorry for everthing I put you thru
Hope one day you can forgive as I have you
Eyes wide open
As its time for me to say goodbye

Death

Sitting on the edge ready to jump
Not carring anymore about who I would leave behind
Not being able to take this pain in my heart and body anymore
Wanting to end it all
What makes me stop???

Ice

Sitting here feeling the cold icy fingers of death creap over my skin. I always wondered what it would feel like, to die just for a little bit.
I have always liked the cold and know I why. Curious though I want to know more,  take it one step futher. Yet I hestate, always my mind awakens me at the last second.
I guess its not my time, just yet. Soon maybe but not now. 

Blood

The blood and pain flow. Over and over I go. Down and down I climb the ladder of life to death. Thinking only of what I leave behind in this world. What I have already lost and gained. What and whom will miss this one person?? I ask this as I dissapear forever into the night.