Test time

Every minute of every waking hour is test time with you. I think I have passed all that you have thrown at me, and I am ready and waiting for the next.

Like an army

Like soldiers we march to war. Obeying orders till the day we die we march. Only a few of us will stand up to our officers and defend our lives from them. Like an army falling one by one by one. Ready to lay our lives down for country and each other. Ready to die and knowing our death may never be reported for years. Marching into the unknown praying for a safe return, and praying our officers know what the hell they are doing. Like an army falling one by one by one.  One by one we fall dying a thousand deaths a thousand times over. Falling over each others bodies we press on. Keeping our heads down to avoid the bullets flying by our heads. Like an army falling one by one by one. The ones that do make home, never are whole. Either our bodies are shattered or our minds. We may look normal and sometimes act it too, but if you could see in our minds you would know the truth. Like an army falling one by one by one. 

Sins of the father

The sins of the father come back 3 fold. In my case like father like daughter. I killed my mom (not physically but am getting blamed for her death) by choosing what I did, and now my childeren suffer. And my father hurt my mother so its come around again. My wish is my childern can break this cycle. If I had not sworn at oath to my friend who shall re-main nameless (he knows who he is) I'd be dead right now. I hate what I did and why I did it. Crying is a sign of WEAKNESS and I need to end it now. I want to die.

Sleep no more

I am at the point where I can not sleep anymore. Too many nightmares and now I am waking up with cuts and bruises uh huh I'm done sleeping for awhile

No sleep needed

As the hour of the night increases so does panic's grip on me. I know what is coming with in my dreams...the pain, the hurt, the fear and death. I do not want these visions in my sleep anymore and yet I cant shake em either. I know I have them for a reason if not to see into you better to understand your silence. I know these things to be true deep with in my soul. I fear what I see coming for it is our end. The later it gets the stronger they become, so I must fight the urge to sleep every night. You say I need sleep and not try to keep up with you but you don't understand....I stay up as long as I can for when I do fall out I don't dream. I don't want to anymore dream that is. So tired f seeing the pain stricken in your eyes. So tired of seeing the hurt in your mind. Hating all the would and have done this to you. A good solider does not dream and I am that solider.

War time

We are in a war and we need soldiers.
A good solider does not sleep
A good solider does not fail his missions
A good solider does walks a thousand miles with out sound
A good solider does not complain
A good solider does not miss
A good solider does what he is told when he is told
A good solider does what he has to to keep his fellow soldiers      alive
A good solider does what he is ordered too.
A good solider does not know what the meaning of the word DIE    is.
A good solider knows everything about his enemy.
A good solider is trained by the best for the best.
A good solider what ever whom ever he needs to be.
A good solider is where ever he needs to be.
A good solider does as he is ordered.
A good solider DOES NOT SLEEP.
A good solider is ALWAYS on guard.
A GOOD SOLIDER DOES NOT DREAM!!!!

What I see

If you could see what I see in my head I think you'd run screaming far away. For I know I would if I could. I see the changes in you NO one else can see. I see you in my dreams in pain more now then ever. I don't want to dream anymore some how a wall was taken down that was not supposed to come down, not liking it at all. I see more than I should be you and I agree on this totally so my question is who un-did this wall and why?