Wolf and Raven

It seems I am destined to follow you around my wolf....life after life after life. No matter how far apart we start out we end up meeting and I turning into your shadow. I follow and you teach what I must learn for that life time. You will always be a guardian and a teacher as I will always be your student. The writting means Raven and Wolf fellow spirit.

The Chosen written with help by Master Wolf

   

      As the ghosts march by, soldiers going to war, row by row, man by man.  The Elder Alpha Silver Wolf, silver-grey in color, runs along side and through the rows of men, watching their steps, looking into each man's eyes and dispatching those with weakness and those with evil in their souls. While the crows and ravens fly overhead and into the future from the past with messages of lore and triumph. I can hear their footsteps in the grass as they marched by yet I can not seem them, even though there are but only two inches in front of me.  I see their words as if in speech bubbles, as if I'm reading a cartoon, above each man. Each man marches tall and proud it seems like they can not feel the gentle breeze. Is it going right through them? The grass moves not as they step upon it and march through as if they aren't even there. But, only I see and hear them. Why have I been chosen?  I can feel the rhythm of their footsteps upon the ground as if an earthquake was making the hills roll like thunder. Row by row, man by man. There are stars alined over each man's head as if a star had been chosen only for him. There is no heat nor is there cold. Absense of heat, here they do not sweat. Absense of cold, nay they shiver not. The Elder Alpha Silver Wolf leaves no tracks of his strides as he runs thru the men doing the job The Grand Fathers have chosen him for. Yet the soldiers footprints do not appear as such. For they are the "The Chosen Ones" of The Elder Alpha Silver Wolf. Their steps are as if "The Many are One." And when the whiteman looks upon "The Trail of Tears" they see one set of prints but not foot prints. One set of prints can be seen, that of "The Wolf..."  A-HO!

two faces

I can see the two faces of the Master hiding within the body of the Wolf. One's fangs dripping with the blood of a fresh kill while the others eyes plead for the mercy of man and man kind. Death will be a welcome to all who cross this being. If you cross him you will pay with your soul and life but not in that order. When the full moon rises again the two beings will become as one and rule the under world. 

Rock and a hard place

I'm stuck in between a rock and a hard place. Im tired of being hurt and hurting within myself. I have a few routes I can take but all of them lead to someone else getting hurt and I just cant do that either. No matter how much I hate someone I can do something that I know will hurt them. Grrrr

Wanting

Wanting the freedom I have earned
Wanting the safety I was promised so long ago
Wanting for you to understand
Wanting to try again but fearing that you have pushed me to far away
Wanting to come home but still am afraid of what may happen
Wanting you to understand what you have done to me
Wanting you to understand what you have made me do.

Cry

Tired of my kids being in pain cause of there father. Hating that I have to have him drag them away crying because I cant go with them. Yet when I am there its like they hate me. So tired of feeling alone in this world even though I know I am not. Not sure what I am supoosed to do anymore and hating every minute of it. Wanting so much to change mine and my kids life but have no clue how. Yes getting rid of him would be a great first step but....they love him to death. No matter what he does/says to them they dont want him to leave them. So I am stuck I dont want to be with him anymore and cant take them away from him. Plus I want to be with them kids I do love them.....Hating this place I have firmly rooted myself into. Someone please help me I am tired of hurting. TIred of being the only one in my family trying to save my family. I have outside help but HE dont wanna hear anything anyone else has to say.

Am what I am

I am what I am... this may bring you pain and hurt I am truly sorry. We knew this would end this way.  I give you  me soul and me life in a heartbeat, but it comes down to this last battle between us. When you come back to the states it will be the last time we meet, wont it? Till then I will kill for you, lie and steal like I have been, untill then my mouth will shut. But when you return shit will change.  For then D and I will have our final battle and like I said it will be epic.  Who will win I can not say for sure, but I think it will be you. And all I ask is this.... D use your hands not a blade or bullets. Thank you and peace.

Once again

Once again I find my self struggling to prove me worth to a thousand different people.
Once again I can't seem to find peace.
Once again I miss the things I left behind for me family.
Once again  I have to be told it is for the best, even though I disagree.
Once again I find myself falling into old and deadly habits.
Once again I find that I don't want to be where I am.
Once again I find myself wishing I could turn back time.
Once again I find myself with "sticky fingers".
Once again I find myself wanting what I can not have.
Once again I find a hunger in me to change what can not be changed.
Once again I find myself unhappy.
Once again I find in pain.
Once again I find hurting.

Master

On the wings of a dragon you will find a wolf. For he is flying finally home. Home to a new land where he has not been before (at least this life time),and yet he calls it his own.  As he fly he thinks about all that he left behind. Heartbreak, suffering and the pain which was caused by those closest to him.  All they never asked or needed he would give them at no regards to the cost to himself. If it meant he would go without he do it in a heartbeat. The shirt off his own back was up for grabs despite what it meant to him. Food ha he didn't need it if you did, yours. Not one person he thought was true to him....maybe. For the one he thinks was true will be put to the ultimate test and we shall see if  Raven is true or not.

Time to hide once again

The walls are going back up again. No more pain, no more sorrow, no more fear, and no more TEARS! I am not going to "feel" anything for my feelings have yet again betrayed me. Tired of being hurt by everyone time to be stone faced again.

Like an army

Like soldiers we march to war. Obeying orders till the day we die we march. Only a few of us will stand up to our officers and defend our lives from them. Like an army falling one by one by one. Ready to lay our lives down for country and each other. Ready to die and knowing our death may never be reported for years. Marching into the unknown praying for a safe return, and praying our officers know what the hell they are doing. Like an army falling one by one by one.  One by one we fall dying a thousand deaths a thousand times over. Falling over each others bodies we press on. Keeping our heads down to avoid the bullets flying by our heads. Like an army falling one by one by one. The ones that do make home, never are whole. Either our bodies are shattered or our minds. We may look normal and sometimes act it too, but if you could see in our minds you would know the truth. Like an army falling one by one by one. 

No sleep needed

As the hour of the night increases so does panic's grip on me. I know what is coming with in my dreams...the pain, the hurt, the fear and death. I do not want these visions in my sleep anymore and yet I cant shake em either. I know I have them for a reason if not to see into you better to understand your silence. I know these things to be true deep with in my soul. I fear what I see coming for it is our end. The later it gets the stronger they become, so I must fight the urge to sleep every night. You say I need sleep and not try to keep up with you but you don't understand....I stay up as long as I can for when I do fall out I don't dream. I don't want to anymore dream that is. So tired f seeing the pain stricken in your eyes. So tired of seeing the hurt in your mind. Hating all the would and have done this to you. A good solider does not dream and I am that solider.

PAIN

Seeing you in this amount of pain yet again...I know there is nothing I can do either. I hate this shit you are being put thru because you care so much for these people who time after time stab you in the back. A part of me right now wants to take the shit she left behind and make a bon-fire outta the shit just for a tad bit of payback on her ass. I know you would say no but I cant stand to see you in this much pain. It's almost as bad as watching you die again.

Good day to die

Like an army marching into war, we advance upon our enemy. Even if that enemy has not yet been made clear, we march. Ready to make the ultimate sacrifice of life and death. To give our selfs for the greater good. Today is a good day to die is our motto showing we have no fear in our hearts, minds and souls. I am ready to follow my master into battle any day any night. I am ready for this fight and will do all that I have to do to win this battle. For today is a good day to die.

Lucky 13

I had a dream of your passing...your last life it was lucky 13 as I say. Well maybe not I think. I went to your grave site and as I stood there saying my good byes a child (boy) was hanging upside down in the tree over your grave. Looking at me he says "Would you offer your throat to the wolf with the red rose?" With out hesitation I reply "yes". He looks at me as he jumps down laughing..."Peace little one" he says as he takes off running into the newly formed fog.

Choices

I finaly put my foot down and made what I thought was a good choice. Now just about everyone is pissed off at me. I choose to leave cause I saw no other way out. Now I have to live with what I did. Yes I would do it again so........

Venting

Ok vent time...just tired of dealing with Mark's bullshit! I hate him right now and someone needs to shut his mouth quick.

Cross roads

I have come to a cross road here. One way goes my own way with out anyone tagging along and the other is I pretty much stay where I am at. I really want to go my own way right now thats just were Im at in my life. Tired of where I'm at tired of being last place, but to get what I want I have to loose some things too.

Calling

There is something calling me. Wanting me to go North. Right now I am about ready to. My master is getting ready to leave its pure chaos at my house and neighborhood. I am tired of it all. Why North I am not sure. Yes when the time comes and my master calls for me to come fight with him I will be ready but until then I think I need to escape for awhile. I want for peace to befall my home and I am thinking if I remove the chaotic element in my home there will be peace. So someday soon I am going to pack a bag, take my bike and go North, till I am called.

Frustrated to hell

Trying to piece together what is left of my fractured mind. Its not working lol. I have been on edge for at least the last 3 days cause I know something is coming. What I don't know and I really don't want to know. I fear the end of something maybe someone is what is bothering me. I am not truly sure. I hope to the Gods I am wrong about who is leaving this Earth. But if I am right look out.