Vision

I've had this vision for awhile now....We are not done yet. Yes there will be a spilting of our paths (ways), but we shall meet again. When or where I could not begin to guess.  To be continued in Guardian.

Internal war

Again I find myself at war....with whom you may ask. LOL My self yes I am once again at war with myself. Engage yet again in another internal war. God how I hate these. Im hopelessly deadlocked in this good for nothing NEVER ending war. Somebody save me please. I hate it I hate it I hate it! And with that very admission I have to add a almost darker one. Yes I hate this war but in hating it I also must hate myself, no? I find myself being torn between a fear (where said fear comes from, no clue) and also a kinda desire. I want what I fear to happen. Which makes no sense to me I swear. So my mind wanders back to where the same thing may have been happening before. My wants and fears being the same that is. Dr Scott A. Siegall M.D. said to me that the reason I was sabotaging my life, giving up everything (family & home) to be with this Ja-Ho aka Mark was because I secretly wanted to be living in the shelters. I had a weird curiosity to experience it. So coming back to the present I guess I am having that same wanting again (not to be homeless). And so I am doing stupid sh** the exact sh** I yell at poor Master Wolf for doing all the damn time. Its cause I want to be/go where he has been...jail/prison I dont think it would matter which. Now besides this desire of "walking in his shoes" there is a second reason to do this. Could be simply just to say been there done that or maybe just maybe to show the nay sayers I could and while doing it I could also keep my trap shut!

The Calm

It appears calm and serine..... but very few can feel what is lurking just outta sight. Hiding almost in plan sight. They feel the change coming before it arrives. They taste the iron metallic taste of the blood that has yet to flow. They see the bolts of lightning before they are thrown. And they can smell the coming rain before the first drop falls. Yes we can sense the "calm before the storm" but can you? 

Tornado

I'm caught in the middle of one too many worlds one too many lifes. An erie calm comes over me outside a raging storm that grows within. The term " comfortably numb"  is a false hope. We do everything and anything we can to become comfortably numb. We do what we do to block out phycal pain ie work, drink and pills. Only once we gain a numbness from this phycal do we become aware of the internal pain or mental pain. And that pain my friends nothing not illegal drugs, legal drugs, booze nothig can touch that pain. Well nothing expect death its self. Yes I said death the Grimm reaper himself. And those that have been caught all to long in the ever raging storm we cry unto him PLEASE TAKE ME NOW! And yet despite our begging and pleading he despites us. He sits just outta reach in the dark corner watching waiting, buying his time.

Pain

I sit here in awe of my own stupidity....and of your strength. It must take one hell of a human being let alone a man to forgive me after the way I have hurt you over the last several months. Yes without knowing it but still for you to say "shit happens" like its no big thing?!?!? I hope my boys grow up to be like you.

Torn

Torn
I am torn between two worlds
I am torn between two lives
I am torn between two realities
I am torn between two homes
I am torn between two places where I am supposed to be.
One place is here with you Master not cause I owe you or anything like that its cause I love you And cause I love you I would do  just about anything for you. I know you dont feel the same and probably never will and thats ok with me.
The second place I lost partly cause of my greed, Southpark. You were right all along I should have fought harder to keep my family. I should have tried harder and now I fear its too late.
One more thing to say as if to give myself a weak a feeble excuse is this me leaving you felt/feels like I am betraying you to the very core.
Please understand now what happened today.
I love you Master always

Storm

Thru the rain and the storms I call to thee. Wanting my voice to be heard once again hoping this time by the right people. I wait for you arrival that never happens, life failed me once again. Even though I can see you n hear you, you can't hear me. I cry out for you louder than ever praying my voice in one way shape or form reaches you. Either audible or in my mind I pray you hear me or at least see me. Cause I know if you see me you know there is trouble coming. I am trying to warn you of the HUGE trap you are once again walking into. Why why why again and again do you repeat this bit of your life. You will never be able to rest and/or move on! 13th life means nothing if it NEVER ends and it wont cause you wont/cant stop repeating history damn it. 

tick tock

tick tock tick tock tick tock time grows short....for me and you. tick tock tick tock tick tock Its almost time for you to go home,Alpha. I already miss you.

Timeline? Hell no!

I have a friend his name is Wolf. Now for those of you that know him this will not be a shocker. He is a unique, special, weird etc person, he is Wolf. You know how people say he "marches to the beat of a different drummer"? Well Wolf he runs on Wolf time and only Wolf time. He will leave the house for (on our clocks) ten minute job and it will take him half an hour. He cant go anywhere with out running into someone he knows. And of course he dont just say "hi" when he sees someone he knows he will walk up to them and just lay his head on there shoulder. This is our Wolf and I love the fact that I know him.

Wolf and Raven

It seems I am destined to follow you around my wolf....life after life after life. No matter how far apart we start out we end up meeting and I turning into your shadow. I follow and you teach what I must learn for that life time. You will always be a guardian and a teacher as I will always be your student. The writting means Raven and Wolf fellow spirit.

Why am I different to you

I think I know why I am treated differently.....u bkame your self for what I have become, a user. You blam yourself cause u started with you. I am different cause u feel responsible for what I have become. Guilty so when the others are here and u get mad at me cause you started me not them.

Wolf the immortal

You are immortal I hope you know this Master. I sit next to you writting this realizing it myself for the first time. You can never die for wevthe mortal wont let you. You will live with in us long after your body has passed.

Gone

I know when your gone your gonna take a huge chunk od ne with you. I loved youbas best youvl would allow me which wasnt much, ya know. I know I know it was for my own good,  so you said. It didnt make it any easier. You have taught me alot I wont forget I swear it. Never a day will go by that you wont be in my thoughts and prayers mt Master for ever. 

Master Wolf

As I sit here watching you  sleep...making sure you are still breathing that is. I see the age of your soul catching up to your current body. I see the hour glass almost empty on this your 13th life. I hope the last few years/months/days/hours/minutes you have left on this earth are filled with the peace and joy and happiness you have earned. For when your time comes and you go home with the fallen ones before you, your leaving this Earth this time will leave a big whole in a lot a hearts and minds. Peace to you my Master Wolf and sleep well, for I will see you on the other side.

The Chosen written with help by Master Wolf

   

      As the ghosts march by, soldiers going to war, row by row, man by man.  The Elder Alpha Silver Wolf, silver-grey in color, runs along side and through the rows of men, watching their steps, looking into each man's eyes and dispatching those with weakness and those with evil in their souls. While the crows and ravens fly overhead and into the future from the past with messages of lore and triumph. I can hear their footsteps in the grass as they marched by yet I can not seem them, even though there are but only two inches in front of me.  I see their words as if in speech bubbles, as if I'm reading a cartoon, above each man. Each man marches tall and proud it seems like they can not feel the gentle breeze. Is it going right through them? The grass moves not as they step upon it and march through as if they aren't even there. But, only I see and hear them. Why have I been chosen?  I can feel the rhythm of their footsteps upon the ground as if an earthquake was making the hills roll like thunder. Row by row, man by man. There are stars alined over each man's head as if a star had been chosen only for him. There is no heat nor is there cold. Absense of heat, here they do not sweat. Absense of cold, nay they shiver not. The Elder Alpha Silver Wolf leaves no tracks of his strides as he runs thru the men doing the job The Grand Fathers have chosen him for. Yet the soldiers footprints do not appear as such. For they are the "The Chosen Ones" of The Elder Alpha Silver Wolf. Their steps are as if "The Many are One." And when the whiteman looks upon "The Trail of Tears" they see one set of prints but not foot prints. One set of prints can be seen, that of "The Wolf..."  A-HO!

time grows short

Sitting here just talking the normal bullshit with you I hear in your voice the longing for home.  Have you been there before or not I am unsure but I hear your wanting to leave these states and go. Go to your one true love and life.  Wanting to leave everyone and everything behind (once all is taken care of) and live this your 13th and last life in peace in your home.  Wanting to find happyness and at long last being able to rest.  To find peace in a world of chaos is the ultimate goal for you and yours. Hopeing and praying you find what you are looking for......a place for you and your old soul to finaly rest in peace and happyness.  I hope you read this with a smile on your face and write to tell me so, cause I will not be able to see for myself, for I will be here in the states. Dont forget us here Master the few friends you have here.

Wolf's home

Sitting here just talking the normal bullshit with you I hear in your voice the longing for home.  Have you been there before or not I am unsure but I hear your wanting to leave these states and go. Go to your one true love and life.  Wanting to leave everyone and everything behind (once all is taken care of) and live this your 13th and last life in peace in your home.  Wanting to find happyness and at long last being able to rest.  To find peace in a world of chaos is the ultimate goal for you and yours. Hopeing and praying you find what you are looking for......a place for you and your old soul to finaly rest in peace and happyness.  I hope you read this with a smile on your face and write to tell me so, cause I will not be able to see for myself, for I will be here in the states. Dont forget us here Master the few friends you have here.

To Wolf my friend

You say my talking about death hurts you....and yet I hear you all the time talking  wishing how you could die. If/when you die for the last time you life will have touched on so many lives you will never ever know the effect of your to be passing. I hope when you go you go in peace and yes the world will raise a glass (diet bud) to you in toast. 

two faces

I can see the two faces of the Master hiding within the body of the Wolf. One's fangs dripping with the blood of a fresh kill while the others eyes plead for the mercy of man and man kind. Death will be a welcome to all who cross this being. If you cross him you will pay with your soul and life but not in that order. When the full moon rises again the two beings will become as one and rule the under world. 

Rock and a hard place

I'm stuck in between a rock and a hard place. Im tired of being hurt and hurting within myself. I have a few routes I can take but all of them lead to someone else getting hurt and I just cant do that either. No matter how much I hate someone I can do something that I know will hurt them. Grrrr